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So here we are in 2022, the golden age of Tinder, Bumble, and all other “dating” sites alike. It makes it kind of hard to tell what the true intentions are of the people we interact with. It’s also harder nowadays to navigate dating in general.
As kids, dating seems so simple (boy meets girl then happily ever after lol) but in 2022 it’s becoming toxic for millennials due to these reasons:
Social Media
Social media is huge! We love it, we hate it, and we can’t live without it. Who even remembers a time when social media wasn’t a thing? Hell, us millennials are the generation of when Myspace was still popular (ugh, simpler times)!
Now we have Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, VSCO, and everything above. You can “slide in the DMs” and meet a bunch of people that you would not meet otherwise (beware of creeps, though).
Followers and likes mean everything and we read into everything we see. Who comments on what, who likes who’s pictures… we’re feeding our addiction and taking pictures as a guide into who people are.
Not who they actually are behind the pictures they post.
It’s superficial and God forbid if you don’t post the person you’re dating on your Instagram. Everyone then assumes you’re single (and may even take this as a sign to flirt with you in your DMs…#yikes).
Social media is a gateway into a lot of issues that dating didn’t have before social media became a thing.
Too Many High Expectations
For some reason, we have this idea of a perfect person in our heads. We picture their body type, how they dress, how they talk, everything. And if they aren’t the perfect person that we dream of in our heads then all hell breaks loose!
As millennials, our parents were raising us to strive to be our best and not to settle for anything less (I blame this on them). They call us their little princesses and we expect to find the perfect person. News flash: there is no Prince Charming and it most likely won’t be love at first sight.
No one is waiting on you hand and foot. We’re young, in our prime, and everyone is going to make mistakes.
You’re not going to know your “soulmate” is your soulmate at first glance. When you meet someone and first start dating them they’re not going to completely know your expectations, how they should meet them, or even if they want to date you that long to find out!
The trick? Lower your expectations or don’t have any! Even if they say they want to marry you (it don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that ring). Have fun and go on dates to determine compatibility and what each person is looking for in a partner first.
See who would be a great partner and who treats you well ,regardless of superficial things like race and height.
We have to learn how to lower our expectations early on and give people a chance. Set the bar high but not too high to where no one can reach it!
Let’s Talk About Sex
Plain and simple, many dating apps like Tinder and Bumble aren’t really for dating at all (try eHarmony or Match.com if you’re looking for love). It’s to be on the hunt for your next hookup *gasp*. I don’t want it to be true but it unfortunately is.
It’s easier than meeting people at the bar or at school and we can anonymously swipe to like someone solely by looking at their pictures.
Going in, everyone normally knows what the deal is (it’s like the Jersey Shore…DTF or nah). So it’s a quick and easy fix to get your rocks off with thousands of locals at your disposal without not really having to connect at all before meeting up.
Ghosting
We’re in the days of where most people are afraid (or don’t care) to break things off with you so they just disappear and #ghost you instead. They stop replying to your phone calls and your text messages, so it’s just crickets on the other line.
They fall off the face of the Earth and you never hear from them again.
We’re not communicating anymore and we’re becoming inconsiderate to others even in the slightest of ways. We just become unresponsive and leave some people with trust issues or worst…we kickstart their journey into ghosting some other poor soul.
What a cycle, huh?
Pretending Not to Care
No one wants to be the one that “cares too much.” We’re always gauging to see how the other person feels and if we sense any level of disinterest, our “unbothered” light switch turns on and it becomes an instant push and pull of caring less than the person you’re dating. This can be exhausting and counterproductive to actually forging real relationships.
No one wants to risk being vulnerable and leaving themselves open to getting hurt.
But, If you’re not open with someone who could potentially end up being your future husband, then how are you supposed to know if caring is worth it or not? Maybe they’re pretending not to care because of the same reasons you are. Now you’re both sitting here with all these unspoken feelings because you want to be tougher.
A lot of topics are kept on a superficial level so as not to dive too deep and risk getting heartbroken in the process. The result? A lot of relationships end up fizzling out before they even go anywhere.
Moving on Too Quickly #TheNextBestThing
This brings me back to having too many high expectations. So, we have these expectations, right? Now the person we’re dating is not meeting those expectations. We dump them and start all over with the next person until all of our boxes on our checklist are ticked off.
I’m not saying this is necessarily a bad thing. Maybe we do deserve more than what the person we’re dating is giving us. Maybe there is someone out there who can provide that but this can also be toxic. You can have a great guy on your hands but you can’t see past the one thing he doesn’t do for you.
So you kick him to the curb!
I don’t know if it’s changing times or what, but it seemed to me that our grandparents stayed together a lot longer. Some of our millennial friends are not putting forth the effort to work through their issues and grow from them. We seem to be all too quick to call it quits and look for the “greener grass on the other side”.
The grass may be greener on the other side but… the grass that’s green is the grass you water (just a little food for thought)!
What do you think is toxic about the millennial dating scene? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
The 80/20 rule has become a fav of mine a couple of years back.. Im ok with 80% of a good thing if most of the boxes are checked cool.. What u dont want is to lose 80 chase 20 then end up with 0.. lol So i always set 4 months in my head for a person to show their true colors. When you meet its just the representative of who they want you to see after a while the truth will come out one way or another!!! Kinda how I dated my husband. The first 3 months it was getting to know and after that rep was gone, I laid out my expectations and deal breakers and we went from there.. you have to be willing to work thru yo dislikes and embrace the things you do like!!❤
I completely agree, Ella! You have to learn each other first and both must be willing to work together instead of against each other. There’s no perfect person out there but you can definitely find your person who has the same goals and makes you smile at least 80% of the time!
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