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I’m not gonna lie, girlfriend…As us millennials get older, our friend groups start to shrivel up like raisins!
The people you thought would be your bridesmaids may now be your sworn enemies. Those you thought you’d never befriend may now be your most trusted confidante. It may just be adulting and not having as much free time, but there’s a 50/50 chance of drifting apart or becoming stronger than ever in our 20s.
We, as people, thrive off of the relationships we have with others. We value the experiences we have with those who we consider as part of our inner circle. All friendships are different as they each add value to our life which is why we choose to keep them.
You may have a friend that is specifically your food date buddy (because obviously they know all the good eats and will gladly take you there #yum). And you may have a friend you only see once in a blue because they’re just better in doses (you still love ‘em though)…
Whatever the case, here’s my guide on 5 types of friends you may have in your life and how to manage them!
In simple terms, your “must” friend is your best friend or the friend you just HAVE TO HAVE in your life because they’re…the best!
Your “must” friends are extremely dependable, trustworthy, down to fight or party (whichever the doctor ordered) and probably know all of your secrets (you don’t care though because they’ll take it to the grave #RideOrDie).
These friends will most likely be there to support you for all your breakups and all of your big accomplishments. Oh, and all of your crazy moments (we all have them lol) and you will undeniably be there for them.
You may even have your ups and downs with each other but “must” friendships come out stronger in the end kind of like the two hosts/best friends of the podcast Call Your Girlfriend. These women wrote a book about friendship called Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close.
They discuss their friendship going stale and how they were able to get back to a good place. With some humor, they explain how they went from a “best” friendship to a “big” friendship due to their mishaps. It’s a generally interesting read especially if you genuinely want insight into maintaining great relationships.
“Must” friends have to be treated like fine silk: with hella TLC, sis!
Your “trust” friends are people you would consider your close friends. They’re just not a go-to person or a “best” friend to you for whatever reason.
They can even be an associate that you’ve built a trustworthy foundation with but haven’t spent enough time together to feel as if you can run to them like a “best” friend (you definitely wouldn’t mind hanging out more though).
Try organizing a girls’ night or get your nails done together with your “trust” friends to help strengthen the bond! Your “trust” friends can always turn into one of your “best” friends with the right care… But if left neglected for too long you’ll be left as “just” friends (I’ll explain more later).
#NoNewFriends. Your trusty, rusty friend is just that! They’re trusty and rusty for a reason. Most likely your “rust” friends are people you grew up with or have generally known for a long time.
You keep them in your life because you love them and you can depend on them. They’ve always been a constant for you (and are almost like a security blanket when you meet new people, get out ya shell, sis!).
You most likely won’t get any closer as you know a lot about each other, but you will gain an abundance of experiences together. Be careful though…with rust friends there can also be a lot of built up tension over the years that could ultimately put a strain on the relationship (or turn toxic). As people get older the possibility of growing apart becomes a real thing so this can happen, too.
If you value your “rust” friends, remember to keep putting in the work and not take this friend for granted… just because they’re an old friend and have always been around, it doesn’t mean they’ll always be around, girlfriend.
So, remember when I mentioned “just” friends earlier in reference to not putting the effort into your friendships?
In my opinion, “just friends” reminds me of when you don’t want to put a label on something and want to keep things casual when people ask you what your relationship status is (or you’re actually just friends).
Instead of potential love interests trapped in the friendzone, your “just” friends are your associates that never make it to friend status.
They could potentially be that one girl who cracks jokes in that random class. Or it could be your “work wife” aka the person you tell your life to at work but don’t make any actual plans to hang out outside of work (hey don’t kill the messenger, just saying what you were already thinking, sis).
Make a choice of what you want this friend to be and make plans (or don’t) but be quick though. If this friend doesn’t want to be your friend only at work (and want to hang out after work sans cubicles) then they don’t have a long shelf life! They might just kick you to the curb!!
Have you ever heard of the saying “must or bust”? Or watch a Youtube video of people rating items as something you must buy or something that’s a complete bust and shouldn’t be worth your time?
The same goes for your “must” or “bust” friend. I previously went over a “must” friend, but the “bust” friend is the complete opposite. They’re not your “best” friends because they’re your TOXIC FRIENDS!!!!
When you first met, you bumped paths, clicked, and they’ve been in your life ever since. You may bond on a couple of things but key traits of your “bust” friend is they’re all too willing to take but never really the first to give. They seem to only be around when they need something whether an ear to vent or a shoulder to lean on but they go ghost when you need them. Some other red flags are you don’t trust them, you compete with each other, or you just feel overall…USED!
Don’t be fooled though, sis. They don’t always start out as a “bust” friend. A “bust” friend can start as a best friend, a trust friend, or a rust friend, and later evolve into a toxic friend (which is no friend at all).
How to manage them? Set boundaries or completely cut them out of your life. Start saying no when they ask for money (and never pay you back) and start asking for what you deserve. You deserve more than a half-a** friend or half-a** anything, sis!
If your “bust” friend is not willing to be promoted to another type then you need to drop that deadweight… (lol sorry not sorry). Not every friendship can be saved and not every friendship SHOULD be saved! Refer back to Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close to help you determine if it’s worth saving (and what true friendship is).
Essentially girl, know when to let go of things that no longer serve you or your purpose. Surround yourself with the people who lift you up and add light to your life!
Each of these friendships provide substance to our lives and if they’re not a blessing then they’re a lesson. Learn from your toxic friends how to be a better friend! But also don’t forget how people can be a better friend to you.
Let me know in the comments below what makes your “best” friend your best friend! Also, do you think you have any “bust” friends…or that you may be the toxic friend?